Wednesday, 31 January 2007

Interesting Celery Fact No. 220

Celery juice is a little known but effective household cleaner, being particularly useful against soapscum and limescale. Barry Scott recently turned down an offer to appear in an advert campaign for celery juice, on the grounds that he did not want to be typecast.

Interesting Celery Fact No. 1,495

Attempts by French viticulturalists to make wine from celery during the dark days of World War II were at the time considered a dismal failure. The taste was considered insipid, and lacking in depth, and the opinion of most Frenchmen was that such a beverage would be suitable only for beggars, or sheep. Today, however, celery wine enjoys considerable success in the guise of the drink we know as Lambrini.

Interesting Celery Fact No. 149

It's a commonly held misconception that the holes along a stick of celery are naturally formed. In reality, they are bored out by the Lesser Spotted Celery Maggot which survives only until it reaches the end of the stick, making it vitally important that each maggot calculates exactly the speed of growth of the stick of celery to ensure that it doesn't reach the end too quickly.

The Lesser Spotted Celery Maggot is therefore the only insect that can perform mental arithmetic relating to its own velocity.

Interesting Celery Fact No. 232

Celery is the only salad item ever to win both the Best and Worst vegetable awards at the Brits, scooping both gongs in 1986, ahead of Carrots, and Butternut Squash respectively.

Interesting Celery Fact No. 7

Celery is regarded as a delicacy among the Ngugu tribe of Southern Malaysia. Here, they build shrines of celery thanking their God of the harvest during times of plenty, and use celery sticks in traditional rain dances, not entirely unlike the British Morris dance.

Interesting Celery Fact No. 96

Celery is a superconducter, and if it were used in computer chips, would provide a 25% increase in performance. If Intel were to build the equivalent of a Pentium III from celery, it would be approximately the size of a two bedroom terraced house.

Tuesday, 30 January 2007

Interesting Celery Fact number 12 - Celery and the Origins of Life on Earth

Celery is despised by atheists, as it is the ultimate refutation of Darwin's theory of evolution. Either celery has evolved as a plant with no purpose, unusuccesful as a foodstuff, or it has evolved it's negative calorific value as a defence mechanism, which hasn't worked. Either way, Darwin is up the creek without a paddle on this one.

Ancient Norse mythology tells how Loki, the mischevious son of the giants, bet Odin that if he created a plant which tasted unutterably foul, and actually had a negative effect on nutrition, humans would still find a reason to eat it. Loki won the bet, and Odin cut off one of his toes in anger.

Today, most evolutionists do not believe in celery.

Interesting Celery Fact No. 109

Ancient legend dictates that celery seeds will increase fertility when eaten under a full moon.

Interesting Celery Fact No. 246

Mathematical modelling has shown that if he had eaten 23% more celery, Al Gore would have won Florida in 2000.

Interesting Celery Fact No. 259

If you laid each stick of celery grown in the UK in one year end to end, it'd go around the earth four times.

Celery Fact Number 43

The least succesful arrows in military history were used in the defence of Rotherham against the invading armies of Prussia, in 1217. The shafts were made of lead, and were flighted with celery leaves. The town fell in 12 minutes fighting.

Interesting Celery Fact No. 276

The Pagani Zonda F can be powered on pure celery juice, reacing speeds of up to 12 mph.

Interesting Celery Fact No. 384

If dropped in the middle of the ocean, a stick of celery can find its own way back to its country of birth.