Polar Celery Fact # 1

The failure of Captain Robert Falcon Scott's fateful second expedition to the South Pole, with the consequent deaths of Scott and his comrades, and the loss of the Poles conquest to Amundsen was not, as widely suggested, down to his adoption of ponies rather than dogs. Neither was it, as some pseudo-intellectuals are given to suggesting, due to the English tradition of brave gentleman amateurs refusing the best advice of experienced professionals. The trouble was, in fact, related to celery.

Scott, as is well known, was a devotee of quack and quasi holy-man Sai Mpopo Om, purportedly from Tibet, who was in fact on Clive McQuaig, of Welwyn Garden City. McQuaig, who had links with one of the major celery exporters in Portugal, spent much time convincing Scott of the curative and nutritious properties of this wonder-salad-item, so much so that Scott became unshakeable in the belief that the only way to conquer the pole was by substituting celery for pemmican. Given celery's status as a negative-calory food, the pitfalls of this scheme are obvious, but there was yet one more unforseen hazard. Two of Scott's crew perished after only three days on the ice, through tripping whilst eating, and driving frozen celery through their chests. Say no to salad, kids.